Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
