But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
