I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
