I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
