Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
