i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
23 People Reveal The Worst Culture Shock They’ve Ever Experienced While Traveling
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.