So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
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