Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN