Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
