i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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