I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
