ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
