I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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