He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I think your dad took our porno
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
