What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
