im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
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Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
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Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
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