yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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