? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
