She's JV to your varsity
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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