They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
