woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
