Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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