At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
