I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
