We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
