I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
