just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
