I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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