I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
