if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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