I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
