you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
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shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
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I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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