Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
