I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
We need a shit load of segways right now
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Randomize
