my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
17 year olds will be the death of me.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Come back. Shots need mouths.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
