Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
My vagina just clenched in fear
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
