I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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