two words: eviction party
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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