I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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