Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
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