i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
