I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
