Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
