No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
