Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
