So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
