I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
