What a fucking waste of an outfit
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
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becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
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I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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