True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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