I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
