the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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