yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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