Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
