i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
