i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
