2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
