i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
