you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
tell me about the eggs
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