ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
