i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
