Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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