we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
