what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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