i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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