Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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