omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
