Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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