I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
