I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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