Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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