not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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