On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
