my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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