oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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