I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
we should paint friendship bongs
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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