I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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