so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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