so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
if only i could text you this smell
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
