he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
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I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
There are leaves in my underwear?
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