is your mom at the bar?
Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
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